5 ways to create a different energy (when it seems like nothing at all is working)

The last few years in my life have been difficult. Its been like wading through thick, dark sticky mud at times. I’ve experienced death of a loved one and major job loss in my family. I’ve felt very much that nothing was working, flowing, in sync. That I wasn’t able to manifest. That I was stuck. That nothing would ever change. That every day was the same as the last. It’s a dark place to be as you start to lose hope and faith that you can ever change anything at all and that life will ever be different. I have felt the walls of a dark tunnel suck me down.

I sat in my car just before Christmas and everything seemed particularly dark. I have always had faith in my ability to change my circumstances and to change my life in any way that I set my mind on. I have always considered myself a positive force. On this particular day, I had been talking to one of the parents at my kid’s school. They were just about to go skiing for the winter holidays and I had mentioned to them that it was one of my ambitions to learn how to ski. But then, later on, I had this thought process, ‘What makes you think that will ever happen? You are 43, time is running out, you have no money, life is passing you by, you keep saying you will do these things and yet you don’t, you can’t make anything happen’. YUK.

I also got into the self pity vibe too. ‘Everyone else seems to be able to create change. Everyone else has good things happen to them. Everyone else has stuff handed to them and I don’t. Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me’. POOR FUCKING ME. DOUBLE YUK.

I think we get into these patterns a bit out of habit and a bit through the ground-hog day nature of daily life. Life can become very unconscious and very mundane and very auto-pilot if we aren’t careful. And then it feels like nothing does change and that we are stuck.

After a few days of total self indulgence and a lot of inward looking angst , I decided that I needed to get a grip and do something, anything, to get me out of the downward spiral of doom. I decided to take a long hard look at what it was I had been doing and what I wasn’t doing to support positive change. Its very easy to get into cycles of negativity and I find it particularly hard in the daily routines of my life to create immediate big change. I am a busy mum, I have a virtually full time job and 2 children, a home to run and a social calendar of kids clubs and parties. I find it very hard to find any time for myself to even think about the things I want to do differently. I knew, though, that I had to create a different energy to that of recent years and to commit to doing things differently. I had to set a new intention.

My 5 ways to create a different energy. 

1/ TAKE A BREAK FROM YOUR DISTRACTIONS (even for a short space of time). Alcohol, drugs, shopping, social media, whatever they are have a hypnotic effect that’s very distracting. I have decided to stop drinking alcohol for a year. I love a drink and I am known for being the first in the pub and the last one standing so it’s a big deal for me. Distractions create a unconscious energy and it numbs you to life, to energy and your power. I want to feel awake and alive and present in every moment.

2/ WRITE A JOURNAL. Get it all out on paper. I tend to have a few on the go at any given time that serve different purposes for me. One is a stream of consciousness, get everything off my chest rant. It helps me to get everything that’s on my mind out onto paper and to get a perspective. Try not to judge it and just write (see The Artist’s Way Daily pages as a good example of this). The other way that I keep a journal is much more structured and all about goal setting. I have a Daily Greatness Journal which I love and helps me focus every day on the good things I want to achieve and focus on and also to practise gratitude every day. It has a section where you can set your dreams and ambitions for the future. I have bought a new journal for 2017 and have committed to write every day in it. If you have never written before, give it a go.

3/ READ INSPIRING BOOKS (and trust that there is a serendipity to those that come to you). It has always been my experience that the books you need to read will come to you at the right time. I have never kept lists of things I want to read- I just trust that the right book will end up in my hands and generally that has always been the case. I am mostly a reader of non- fiction (although I do sometimes like a good novel). Recent good reads have been ‘The Space within’ by Michael Neill, ‘Life without a centre’ by Jeff Foster and ‘The Universe has your back’ by Gabby Bernstein. There has been a theme to them for sure. I am currently working through the exercises in the Gabby Bernstein book. All 3 of these are great explorations of inner space and will create a shift in your thinking.

4/ GET SOME FOCUSED SUPPORT. I have had life coaching and energy healing in the last couple of years. I have also had some cranio-sacral treatments and acupuncture. Speaking to someone else with an expertise in helping you and also who is rooting for you in every way is good for the soul. Most people have some issues that they struggle to deal with or need to work through and talking to someone else and getting some healing really helps to break long held patterns. Talk to someone out of your normal circle, get a new perspective and set some new goals for 2017. It really helps to create new energy.

5/ DO SOME DIFFERENT STUFF. Take a walk, go on a road trip, fly in a plane, go to a new class. Last year I went camping, went to Glastonbury Festival, visited France and Spain and started zumba classes. I took my 9 year old son on a 5 mile beach walk and went for  picnics in the hills near where I live in the south of England. I joined the national trust and took my kids to new gardens and houses. Doing different stuff makes me feel happy and pushes my boundaries. I am about to start a yoga class. The other commitment that I am making to myself this year is to meditate every single day, even if its just for 10 minutes. In my busy life, I feel like its the only way that I am truly going to give myself some quiet, focused space each day. Make a commitment to try one small thing that’s new or out of your comfort zone.

I have come to see that creating change requires doing things differently, but those things might be little daily changes. Its about a different energy.  My mantra for 2017 is to choose a different path and create a different energy. It’s the little things that often turn out to be the big things.

On trusting our inner compass

If you’re not excited about it, it’s not the right path.  Abraham Hicks  

How do we know that the choices in our life are the right ones? That we are making the right decisions, heading down the right path? Is life a series of logical practical decisions that get us to our destinations?  Or is there a deeper mystery at play? When is a change the right change? When is it the right time?

About a year ago, I tried to make a change in my life. A big change. I tried to move to a new city and take a new job, something that I had been wanting a very long time. Or so I thought.  
I had applied for the ‘dream job’, something that I had been thinking about and wishing would happen for years. 
But while filling in the application form, there was a NO in my head but I dismissed it. How could it be NO? I had wanted this for so long, it was a great salary, a great opportunity, perfect timing. I logically talked to myself about all the reasons this was the right thing and carried on. I got to submitting the form, hovered over the button, heard a big NO but pressed send anyway.  

When the letter came to call me for interview, all I could hear was NO. I felt nothing but dread. But I ignored it. The morning of the interview came and as I got dressed, all I could think was NO. I pushed away the sick feeling, the dread, the unease and the NO and I went for the interview. And it went well, I did my best and I knew they liked me.  But as I drove home, all I could think and hear was NO. NO. NO. NO. for a 4-hour car journey. 

When I got the phone call to tell me that I had been successful, I didn’t even want to answer the phone because I knew they were going to offer it to me and I knew it was a NO. I knew it was a NO with all my being and yet I accepted the job because I had been thinking about it and wishing it for so many years. I wanted to say NO but I did the ‘right’ thing and said yes. Right for who? 


I went down to visit the city to look for a new house and a new school for my children. They offered me the salary that I wanted without even having to negotiate. But the NO was still there. I had to hand in the notice in my current job and I couldn’t do it and I made excuses and played for more time because the NO was still there and I didn’t know what to do. And it was getting louder and louder. 
 

And I wasn’t sleeping at all. And I was waking up in the night sweating and screaming. And I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t think straight. I could barely speak. And no-one could understand why I was in such turmoil. Wasn’t this the thing I had wanted and talked about for years and years? It’s a no brainer, right?

And everyone wanted to help and to give me advice and were loving and kind and yet I could hear it in their voices and see it in their faces that they didn’t’ understand. And I didn’t understand where this NO was coming from. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? Why can’t I just make the logical, sensible, practical choice. The choice that makes sense to everyone else but me. Other people would love this job, this chance, this salary, this choice. So, why couldn’t I?

In the end, the NO won. It had to. I had to give in to it. It was shocking in its violence and so loud that I couldn’t not listen to it. There was no other decision I could make. It was making me sick and unhappy and full of doubt and loathing and fear and chaos. I spent 3 weeks in a state of absolute turmoil and in the end, I had to listen. It wasn’t my path. It felt wrong to the core of my being.

When I was first offered the job, someone said to me ‘You must be so excited’ and I knew in that moment that I wasn’t excited at all. I knew deep down in my soul that this wasn’t the path that I was meant to take. It felt utterly wrong. For whatever reason. I still don’t understand it fully but I felt it, I knew it, it was an instinct, a gut feeling, a knowing. It wasn’t remotely logical and it made absolutely no sense at all. Trying to go against this feeling made me physically ill. I was going against my truth, my journey and my path.

We are told so often that we ‘do the right’ thing, the acceptable thing, the sensible thing that society tells us to do. We must make grown up decisions that make sense to the world and its structures and go against the inner guidance and feelings that we often have that point us in other directions. That we must ignore our inner compass and stick with the status quo even if that feels wrong to us.

Going against the tide and the flow often takes strength and courage. It can take all our will to swim against that flow. But if that NO shouts to us then we must listen to it when it comes with all of our heart because often it points us in the direction of the YES, whatever that is to us. And that is where we find our true path.

The love list

imageOne of the things that I do when I am feeling lost or confused or unsure about my life is to write a ‘love list’ of all the things in my life that I love. I find that it helps me to focus in on who I am when I might have forgotten and also points the way to feeling gratitude about all the good stuff.

Writing a ‘love list’ also helps me to discover new things about myself, new hobbies I might want to pursue and new areas to shine a light on. It’s  a pathway back to the things that bring me joy.

It can be really really simple and it can be literally about anything you love. Anything at all. I also find that it starts off with the obvious things but as you dig a bit deeper, all kinds of stuff comes to the surface.

Here is one of mine:

– I love my kids (obviously, the beats of my heart)

– I love my husband

– I love my family

– I love all my friends

– I love a cup of tea

– I love sleeping and to rest

– I love reading non- fiction

– I love sunshine

– I love camping and being outside in nature

– I love getting my feet in the grass

– I love stargazing

– I love watching my children play

– I love sitting by the sea

– I love to buy a new dress

– I love taking pictures

– I love art on my walls

– I love to draw

– I love to write my journal

– I love to run

– I love long walks

– I love to go to national trust gardens (uk)

– I love a cup of tea and a cake at a national trust tea room

– I love music especially live music

– I love music festivals especially Glastonbury

– I love to wear glitter

– I love veggie food

– I love cooking

– I love 80’s movies like Dirty Dancing and Ghostbusters

– I love to read to my kids

– I love dancing in my lounge

– I love dancing in muddy fields at festivals

– I love travelling and backpacking

– I love new experiences

– I love to meditate

– I love to exercise in my lounge

– I love singing loudly when I am driving

– I love quotes

– I love writing a love list

Focus on what you love, focus on the good stuff and the nice things and the happy things and often the simplest things. I do believe these are the pathways to joy.

 

 

 

Just begin.

I’ve spent years thinking about starting a blog. Years and years and years. Years of worrying about being a fraud, of worrying about not being a ‘writer’, of worrying about not having anything of value to say or of being of value or just about writing a load of shit. And then being frustrated about not doing the thing that was burning in my heart to do. And feeling a failure for not being motivated enough to begin. And being stuck in abject fear about actually beginning. And procrastinating and watching TV and doing the dishes and the ironing and anything to distract me from doing the thing that I really wanted to do. And making excuses. And telling myself I wasn’t good enough over and over again.

What a merry dance we lead ourselves in. So what is different this time? What has changed?

It all got me to a really dark point. A really low point, possibly one of the lowest of my life which in turn has got me to a really light point. In the blink of an eye. An epiphany if you like. An ENOUGH. Enough is enough. An understanding that only I can change this. A moment of power. A revelation. A moment of fuck this actually.

I think we need to hit the lowest point, the darkest point in order to regain our power. To make that change. To be empowered all of a sudden.

To just begin.

 

2017. My mantra.

image

My mantra for 2017 is about choice.  About doing things differently. About creating a new energy and new light in my life. About making decisions that take me to new places and in new directions. About no longer being able to accept the ways things have been before. About being honest with myself and the world. About finding my voice and speaking my truth. About waking up and being present. About having courage. About looking forward. About seeing new ways. About looking inside for the answers. About commitment to this new path. About trusting.

High five 🙌🏻 Lets do this 💛