I’ve spent years thinking about starting a blog. Years and years and years. Years of worrying about being a fraud, of worrying about not being a ‘writer’, of worrying about not having anything of value to say or of being of value or just about writing a load of shit. And then being frustrated about not doing the thing that was burning in my heart to do. And feeling a failure for not being motivated enough to begin. And being stuck in abject fear about actually beginning. And procrastinating and watching TV and doing the dishes and the ironing and anything to distract me from doing the thing that I really wanted to do. And making excuses. And telling myself I wasn’t good enough over and over again.
What a merry dance we lead ourselves in. So what is different this time? What has changed?
It all got me to a really dark point. A really low point, possibly one of the lowest of my life which in turn has got me to a really light point. In the blink of an eye. An epiphany if you like. An ENOUGH. Enough is enough. An understanding that only I can change this. A moment of power. A revelation. A moment of fuck this actually.
I think we need to hit the lowest point, the darkest point in order to regain our power. To make that change. To be empowered all of a sudden.
To just begin.